your lips give you away.

okay, so.
though i promised i would no longer have a livejournal, i changed my mind.
i need a place to store all of my writing
and something to motivate me to write.
it most likely won't be used for much else.


www.livejournal.com/users/sixteens


add it :]

bye bye livejournal.
for good.

i have the absolute worst headache imaginable.


and it's not one of my frustration headaches, it's a real, advil popping headache.


yeeeeeeeeeeesh

talking is a waste when you're holding back the words you never thought you'd want to say.

my party is tomorrow.
and i don't remember the last time i've cared less about something.


ugh.

GUESS WHAT?!

i'm talking to elexa again.
:]]]]]]]]]]]]

this makes me so happy.
and she couldn't have come in at a better time.

sometimes you win some, sometimes you lose some.

and yes, i lost a big part of my life yesterday, but i think that being friends with elexa again makes up for it.

i'm happy, and i don't care what anyone has to say.

BRING IT.

my birthday is tomorrow.
TOMORROW.
am i the only person who finds that somewhat odd?
like, me, turning sixteen?
ahaha it's so strange and unbelievable and bizarre and a thousand different things all at once.

this year has been an incredibly long, difficult year in my life, and needless to say, i'm glad it's over. and i'm ready to start a whole new year at a whole new age with a whole new set of people in my life.
i mean, i know 2006 already started, but tomorrow it REALLY begins. for me, anyway.

last year, i turned fifteen. and it was the most pathetic birthday, ever, i think. i remember arguing with my cousin felicia the day prior because she was angry that lindsay would be at my little 'birthday party' (if you could call it that.) and yeah, i think that should have foreshadowed that my birthday would suck.
i sat in my house on spring street, in my room, on the computer, with lindsay and my gay cousins. i ate chicken catcetorrie and a piece of cake, and that was the end of it.
it was possibly the most disatisfying birthday ever.
and by then, i remember, i was pretty goddamn lonely, and nearly losing my mind over the fact that nobody seemed to like me. i was not in a good way, and i'll leave it at that.

if you had told me on my birthday last year that i would be happy, i would have laughed in your face and told you to fuck off. if you had told me on my birthday last year that i would have friends, and friends i actually liked, i would have probably punched you in the face. and if you had told me last year that i'd have an amazing boyfriend who genuinely cared about me, i would have cried.
i don't want any presents for my birthday this year.
i have everything and everyone i've ever wanted, and i truly feel blessed.
i never knew my life would turn around so much in a year, but i'm really glad it did.
i mean, not EVERYTHING is perfect, but then again, i never expected it to be.
i like life better with it's kinks here and there.


this should be the best birthday ever, and i'm rather excited about it :]


oh, and i would like to extend a nice and big FUCK YOU to all those who decided they wanted to mess with me around my birthday. mmm nice. how's about don't talk to me ever again, k? thanks.

and i totally owned this freshman kid today, and i'm so proud of myself hahahaa.
kay im done.

why do i always make everything so goddamn awkward?



i am a fucking moron.

sighhhhhhhhh.


im hungry so i'm going to go eat my weight in disgusting food that i shouldn't be eating.


later greggs.

i don't know.
i just don't know and/or understand anything anymore.

i am so goddamn emo it hurts.

hahahahha. so 'old jessica' like.

so. i went to the mall today & went christmas shopping.
and guess what?
i fucking cannot wait for christmas to be over.
it is so exhausting and stressful and just not any fun whatsoever.
fuck you christmas lovers!!
hahahah yeah.

mhmm. so i am a mess, as usual. and i can't seem to arrive at a decent conclusion. in regards to you know who.
i'm going to do it tomorrow, i think. i can't take it much longer.
i'm driving myself nuts. like, absolutely, unreasonably insane.

and i have come to the conclusion, today, that i would be perfectly happy picking up today, right now, and moving to the city to become a lounge singer in some fancy hotel and earn $60 a gig & be living in a box outside of grand central station. i don't care anymore. i just want my life to start. and if i runaway and start anew, doing something i love, i know my life will just .. take off and i'll have everything i've ever wanted and more.

okay, i'm exaggerating but yeah. you get it.

and i think i have major problems because i can't seem to stop thinking about this one certain person that really isn't supposed to mean anything to me at all.
and guess what?
it's not who you all think.


the end. i have nothing else important to say.
♥

hi my name is jessica and i hate myself.


the end!


well this is just for today, anyway.